The Cobbler ' s Children Have No Shoes

That 70s Girl

I was just IMing with Hey, Hot Shot! honorable mention Shane Lavalette about my upcoming seminar at the PRC. (Monday March 19!) I wasn't actually even sure if it was online, but Shane dug up the link and said "You're right there, just past Lauren Greenfield." (And followed by William Christenberry, that's quite a photographer sandwich!) So, there I am, but with no photo next to the entry so it kind of gets lost. Shane suggested that I send them a headshot, and although I think that an exterior shot of the gallery is more apropros in this instance, the suggestion brings me to the title of my post above: Fact is, I don't happen to have a decent headshot to send, even if I wanted to! Which is ridiculous considering how many awesome photographers I work with. But not so ridiculous considering how much I hate, hate, hate having my photo taken.

I've got a few photos that I use... one is a candid that was taken at an afterparty a couple of years ago. And it's cute and sort of glam (I'm wearing my mom's vintage fur stole! And my dress made out of old boyscout uniforms! And I'm at the Chelsea Hotel!) But my haircut is terrible and I don't think it really looks like me. Sometimes I use a lousy scan of a childhood snapshot where I'm wearing a very fashion forward purple pantsuit. (See above - that's the one on my bio page too.) And for an IM icon I have a few grainy grey captures from the iSight camera that's built into my new MacBook. (New laptop, yay!) Those photos are pretty much universally lame, and let's face it: few people look good in a screen capture that's angled upwards past the expanse of one's chin. (And this chin of mine is boasting some Winter insulation at the moment.)

So, what to do? Did I mention that I hate having my photo taken? It's not like you can't tell. Check out any of the opening reception photo sets over on Flickr and you'll see my semi-clenched jaw and general unease as I methodically recall and reject all the bad photo-taking advice administered by my family over the years. (My family albums are littered with my mother, aunt and grandmother, and yes, sometimes even me straining our necks upwards and throwing our shoulders back in the most unnatural ways, our misguided attempts at creating flattering angles.)

I can't stand the idea of sitting for a formal portrait, all that sitting still is hell on my insecurities and anxieties. Every time someone's shooting installation shots at the gallery I hide in the back room. Someone like Eliot might be good - he's got the stealth snapping thing down. Even when he uses a flash (which he uses well and often) he manages to surprise people without creating shots of people who look surprised. But all that flash and my pasty white skin and the Winter insulation. Oy. I'd love to corral Alec, but really who wouldn't? He's too busy sipping champagne and snapping Cat Power to be bothered with the likes of me, anyhow.

A while ago someone sent me links to a portrait set on Flickr. It was these two young photographers up in Toronto who manage to make everyone look like themselves but better. I thought it was Photoshop, but my friend insisted it was lighting. If it WAS lighting, I want a portable version of that lightkit to carry around with me - they created such a flattering penumbra!

Anyway, yea: This cobbler has no shoes!

Comments

[Jen Bekman]

Lia that project sounds cool... I am off to have a look. Forgetting to be self-conscious! Unthinkable!

Joe, o how you make me laff. I can't take a decent photo to save my life. Not of my dog, a pretty sunset or a nice streetscape. I can't imagine snapping a good one of myself.

And, um... I actually don't own a camera. Oh, the absurdity.

[Joe]

I hate photos of me, too, so you should try what works for me -- set yourself up with a camera, tripod, and remote all alone in a room for at least a half hour. Then there's no embarrassment as you pretend to laugh at witty remarks and smile thoughtfully and do your seductive eyebrow-raising thing. It'll take a couple hundred shots, but you'll get one you can actually stand.

[lia]

I'm a big fan of photo booth photos—my favorite in the city is the one at Lakeside Lounge on B—but they're no help if you have problems loosening up, unless you have a few beers first and take a lot of photos.

You might want to get the kids behind the Photo-Silhouette Booth to set up for you, I saw it in action at the ITP Winter Show in December (I'm an alum) and it was really amazing to see how quickly people forgot to be self-conscious when they were in it, and how lively the resulting portraits turned out.

[gj]

where's the link to the flickr photogs. I'm curious.

And yeah it is all about the lighting.

[Leslie Brown]

Hi Jen! I would have sent the link earlier to you, but we've been a little covered up - drowning in entries! I think we just went over our highest number of entries ever for the juried show! Since it was a postmark deadline, they are still coming in. We're very much looking forward to having you - in perfect company with our spring roster.

And, for what it's worth, I don't have a good recent portrait of myself either! - Very best, Leslie

[Joe]

I should have been more specific: Have a friend set up a camera and a tripod, etc. All you have to do is (1) not stray from your chair and (2) press the remote everytime you feel an attractive expression erupting...